White Flag
by ashleyfanfic
Summary: After their break up, Draco and Hermione are having a hard time dealing with the fallout.
1. And You Will Think That I've Moved On

Hermione watched him from across the open quad. His smile was eerie, yet charming. He was chatting up a few of the younger Slytherin girls, none of which she really knew by name, but all of whom she hated for the attention he gave them. She wanted to hate him for their end not hurting him as much as it did her. She wanted to tell him that she didn't hate him as much as he thought. She wanted to tell him that their petty arguing was nothing more than her way of pushing him away when she felt he was getting too close. 

He'd made it all so clear for her though. He didn't think they could work. He told her it was nice while it lasted but he'd never thought it would go beyond anything of real importance. She wasn't sure if he actually believed that or if he was trying to play it off. But now, as she looked at him, she was terrified that he had meant it. 

It was true; they fought constantly, but that had all been part of the attraction. The challenge was always there. The need to best one another, to prove their superiority above the other. Second best was not good enough. Their egos wouldn't allow for anything less. But in their constant fighting they'd found a kinship, a love for learning. He often teased her that his ability came more easily because he was a pureblood, and while that may have been true, she still managed to top him in everything except potions. Most people chalked that up to Snape favoring the Slytherin. But Hermione knew that if he was good at one subject it was potions. He had a knack for it, a fact she often complimented him for. 

She sighed as she watched him whisper something to one of the girls and her sudden burst of giggles and blush led her to believe that whatever he'd said hadn't been very gentlemanly. She tore her eyes away from him and looked to her two friends, who had recently gotten over their need to trip, hit, or kick him everytime they were close enough. 

It had taken a lot for Harry and Ron to move past her relationship. Ron more so than Harry. She supposed that Harry might not have understood but he respected her enough to know that she was smart and knew that if this was honestly what she wanted then he couldn't deny her something that made her happy. Ron on the other hand had picked more fights than necessary, thrown an underhanded comment when not needed, and constantly rubbed it in his face that he had and probably always would know her better than Draco ever would. It was often a great source for an argument between the boys of who knew her better. Ron would claim that since he knew her longer he knew the inner workings of her soul. She sighed when she remembered the look on Draco's face, the smug twinkle dancing in his silver eyes. He didn't say anything, just glanced over at her and nodded. 

She would never admit it to Ron, but he was wrong. Draco knew her; knew her wants, needs, fears, and deepest desires. And at the moment her deepest desire was to go pull the blonde away from him by her hair. He was hers, no one else's. She realized that even through their fighting, there was nothing but respect beneath the surface. When at last she could take no more of his shameless flirting, she stood, causing both Harry and Ron to look at her. 

"Where are you going?" Ron asked curiously. 

She looked over at Draco, then back at her friends, "Inside. Not feeling well." 

Harry looked over at Draco who had taken notice of Hermione when she stood. The smirk left his face as he watched her and Harry shook his head, "Get some rest. I'll check on you later." 

She collected her things, "Thanks Harry," and walked inside. 

Ron looked over at his dark headed friend, "Not feeling well?" 

"She's having a rough time of it, lately." 

Realization flashed over Ron's face as he glanced over at Draco, "Do you think he does that on purpose?" 

"Probably." 

"Do you think he realizes that it hurts her as much as it does?" 

"Probably." 

Ron fumed, "I'll kill him." 

Harry shook his head as he glanced over at the blonde boy who was now trying to untangle himself from the Slytherin he'd been whispering to, "I think he's suffering." 

"Oh you do?" he asked sarcastically. 

"Yeah. Think about it, Ron. Hermione was sitting outside for fifteen minutes, and that whole time he seems to enjoy the fact that the girl is hanging all over him. And now that she's gone, he wants nothing to do with her." 

Ron furrowed his brow, "So he's trying to make her jealous?" 

"I'd say it's working, wouldn't you?" 

"If we killed him she wouldn't have anything to be jealous of." 

"We can't kill him." 

"How about beat him up a bit?" 

"Won't work either." 

They both watched as Draco walked past them, the young girl watching him walk away with a bit of confusion on her face. Harry wondered to himself whether he should stop whatever was about to happen. He knew no real good could come of it. In general, Draco and Hermione were far too different, in terms of family and social upbringing. Hermione was a compassionate loving person and Draco was the snake in the grass you wanted out of the way. He didn't deserve her. He knew it, Ron knew it, and he was almost certain that Draco knew it. 

He sighed, wishing for once Draco would listen to the conscience that Hermione swore was in his head. 

*~* 

She walked silently back to Gryffindor tower and tried to shake off the need to throw up. It had been weeks now. She needed to move on, get over this, but she knew it was going to take a little more time. It was going to take more than time, she feared. 

"Granger." 

She stopped walking when she heard his voice. She let out a soft sigh and turned to stare into those grey eyes, "What is it?" 

"I…" he let out a breath, "I didn't quite catch the assignment for Arithmancy." 

She shook her head, "I'll owl it to you." 

He caught her arm before she could turn again, "I'd rather get it now, if it's all the same to you." 

She frowned and set almost all of her books on the steps. She pulled out the piece of parchment with the scribbled letters on it and sighed, "Here." 

He looked up at her, "I don't have anything to write it on." 

"Then why ask for it when you don't have anything with you?" 

He shook his head, "Forget I asked." 

"Afraid I can't since you stopped me in the hall." 

"There's no need to get snappy." 

"Don't ask for things if you aren't prepared for them to be handed to you." 

He frowned, "Excuse me for wanting to keep up with my assignments." 

"If that was the case," she said rummaging for a quill and a clean piece of parchment, "you would have copied it down when it was given out in class…" 

He watched her as she busied herself with trying to find the things she needed and griped at him at the same time. He smiled to himself. He missed her. He didn't think he would miss her so much, but when he was around her now, it was almost hard to breathe. It made him do stupid things to lose oxygen to the brain. He had the assignment. He'd actually finished it already, he just wanted to speak with her, have her be within five feet of him so he could almost touch her. He missed her. God, did he miss her. 

She stood once again, having written the assignment while she was sitting, and handed the parchment to him. "Here." 

He reached out and took it from her, purposely allowing his hand to come in contact with hers. She looked at the floor when he drew his hand back. To keep herself from crying, she began collecting her books, her back to him. She didn't want him to see her tears. How could he not hurt? How? That was the one thing she wanted to know. She needed to know, actually. 

When she turned, she nearly lost her footing and he caught her before she could tumble down the stairs. He righted her on her feet and brushed her unruly hair from her face, "Be careful, Granger." 

He turned to walk away, when she managed to squeak out one word, "How?" 

He slowly turned around and looked at her, "What?" 

"How…how are you not hurting?" 

He looked taken aback by the question, "I…" 

"I mean, I thought…I thought we were something important, and two weeks after things are over, you're outside flirting with anything that moves…" 

"Who says I'm not hurting?" 

"You have a funny way of showing it." 

He rolled his eyes, "So I'm not upset enough for you? Is that it?" She was silent, "What do you want me to do? Cease to function? Cry everytime I'm around you? Beat my head against the wall because I was so stupid to let you go in the first place? I don't work that way. You know that," he said the last part in a little more than a whisper. "We're better off this way, we both know it." 

"I don't." 

He sighed, "Well you should. It would only hurt more later." 

"I don't think it could hurt more than this." 

He frowned, "Well, it could." 

She shook her head, "I find that very hard to believe since…" 

"Since what?" 

She sighed, "Nothing. Forget it," she said as she turned and made her way up the stairs. He leaned back against the railing and let out a shaky breath. 

"You're stupid, you know that, right?" He turned and saw Harry standing at the bottom of the stairs with his arms folded across his chest. 

"What do you know about it?" 

"Why don't you just tell her you love her already? Personally, I'm tired of watching you try to flirt your way into forgetting what she means to you and I'm tired of seeing her hurt." 

He shook his head, "This has nothing to do with you." 

"You're right. It has to do with you being too bloody stupid for your own good, you wanker." 

"What the…" 

"No, listen for once. You're not good enough for her. You don't even deserve a second glance from her. But she cares about you for reasons of the unknown and you're doing your very best to break her heart more and more. So stop being the prat you are and tell her why you ended things." 

"I ended things because it wasn't going to work." 

"You don't know that for sure. You're scared. Another reason why you don't deserve her. She's fearless because, damn the consequences, she cared about you and let everyone know it. So for you to sit in front of her only a few short weeks after you stomped on her heart, well, it shows that you don't know her as well as you say you do. If you did you'd know that every time you do that and she sees you, it kills her." Harry pushed past him, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go upstairs and try to clean up the mess you've made." 

"You make it sound like a job," he said scornfully. 

"The only bad part is I can't seem to convince her that you aren't worth her time. For some reason, even though you're a stubborn git, she seems to still want you. That's the hardest part, convincing her that you aren't and never will be good enough for her." 

Draco seethed as Harry walked up the stairs and out of his view. The last thing he needed was Harry Bloody Potter giving him love advice. And who was he to say that he loved her. He'd never told her that, so it baffled the mind as to what would make Potter say it. He turned and made his way towards the Slytherin dungeons. 

He stopped and punched the brick wall, not a smart thing to do, but neither was letting Potter be right about something. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to tell her how he felt about her if for no other reason than to keep Harry from being right. But he also wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms and kiss her the way she deserved to be kissed. 

He shook his head and scowled. He knew it was inevitable. He would have to tell her he loved her. He had to, if for no other reason than to stop seeing that look on her face. The one that clearly showed the anguish in her eyes. How he hated it. 

*~* 

The next morning at breakfast, Harry tried to involve Hermione in the conversation, but it did no good when all she could think about was her encounter with Draco. Harry had finally talked her into not crying any more. She didn't really feel like eating, just pushed her food around her plate, hoping it seemed to people that she had actually taken a bite. 

It wasn't until the mail came that she showed the slightest bit of interest in what was going on around her. She looked around the Great Hall, one person's absence standing out in her mind. Her familiar owl landed in front of her, a package from home attached to its leg. She untied it and the owl went flying off again. The second owl that landed in front of her startled her a bit. She recognized it immediately and she furrowed her brow as she untied the note attached to its leg. It nipped her finger for a treat and she gave it a bite of toast and it went flying on its way. She sighed as she unrolled the parchment. 

_Astronomy Tower: Midnight_

She'd recognize the familiar scrawl from anywhere. Part of her didn't want to go. She wanted to save herself from the hurt than an encounter with him could cause. But she had hope. She tried to squash it down. It didn't sit right for her to have hope in a situation where there was none. He didn't want her. He'd made it obvious. He didn't think they would work, he'd said that numerous times also. But she wanted to believe. 

Harry looked over at her, "What does he want?" 

"I don't know." 

He sighed, "I can go with you if you want. As a buffer. Or I could hex him the first chance I get." 

She smiled softly at him, "Thank you, but I don't think it will be necessary." 

He nodded, "Alright. But you make sure that over-grown ferret knows that if he hurts you again, I have a shrinking hex that he won't be able to reverse." 

She chuckled, "Where did you learn that one?" 

"I read it somewhere." 

She leaned her head against his shoulder, "Thank you, Harry." 

"I would like to say 'anytime' but I really hope that you come to your senses and realize that you can do better." 

She gave him a smile, "He's really not so bad." 

"This coming from the woman whose heart he's broken?" 

She sighed, "I can't help how I feel about him." 

"I know." He sighed, "If the git had a brain in his head he never would have let you go. You know that right?" 

She shrugged, "So you keep saying." 

"It's true." 

She patted his hand, "Thanks, Harry." 

He nodded and hoped that Malfoy would take his advice and ease her pain. 

*~* 

He paced around the tower. He had thirty minutes before she was to arrive which gave him time to get his thoughts in order. He needed to figure out what he was going to say to her exactly. He wanted to hold her, tell her he was sorry, that he loved her, but his stupid pride stood in the way. He had ended things weeks ago because he thought she would end things with him. He didn't want to be the one that everyone pitied. But now he knew that she had no intentions of doing such a thing. She still wanted to be with him. Why? 

It was his father's fault. The man had trained him well in the art of being cold and uncompassionate. He hated his father. While on the other hand his mother had seemed to push a little of humanity on him. She told him that making enemies of everyone would leave him alone one day. She knew how much her son wanted anything but to be left alone. It was actually one of his greatest fears. 

He sighed. His father couldn't hurt him any longer. He'd been sent to prison, which gave him nothing to worry about, it's actually the reason he'd pursued Hermione in the first place. He could do so without dealing with his father's consequences. He's had a slight crush on her for a while. She was one of the few people who would stand up to him not to mention that she was intelligent, something he couldn't say for most of the Slytherin girls. He had a respect for her that only came about after she'd slapped him. He actually kind of liked it, if truth were told. 

He turned quickly at the sound of the door opening and he just stared at her as she closed the door behind her. She folded her arms over her chest and sighed, "What did you want?" 

"I…I owe you an apology." 

She raised an eyebrow, "For what?" 

"Being a daft prick." 

"It shouldn't be uncommon for you now." 

He ground his teeth and groaned, "You know, you're not making this easy to do." 

"Well excuse me for being a bit grouchy, but I'm not in the most pleasant mood these days." 

He sighed, "And that's my fault." 

She shook her head, "No, it's mine, because try as I might I can't get over this and it's making me a very unhappy person. I don't like the person I am now." 

He shook his head, "I've made a mess of things and for no reason other than I thought…I thought you would do this to me." 

"What are you talking about?" 

He frowned, "The day…I broke up with you…I heard you tell Weasley that it had to end. I thought….I thought you meant us. I…I couldn't think about it ending. I wanted nothing but to be with you and…fight with you all the time that the thought of this ending had never occurred to me." 

She shook her head, "I didn't mean…" 

"I know that now. The Prefects meeting cleared that up when you'd said the fighting between our houses had to end. By then it was too late. I'd made up my mind that it was for the best. As Potter has so eloquently told me and my own heart has screamed at me, I'm not good enough for you." 

She took several steps forward until she was right in front of him and began hitting him. He tried to catch her hands but she was not to be stopped, "That's the worse excuse I've ever heard, you ferret-face git!" 

He finally managed to grab a wrist followed by the other, "Stop!" 

She shook her head, her anger clearly displayed on her face, "You're so damn stubborn!" 

He looked at her incredulously, "Me?!" 

"Yes. You didn't even discuss this with me. Just told me that you didn't think it would work…that's…" 

"True. I don't. One day you're going to realize that you're much better off with someone who isn't me. Someone who isn't cold, somebody more like Potter or Weasley who know how to be polite…" 

"If I wanted Harry or Ron I would be with them. But instead I chose to get my heart stomped on by the Slytherin Prince," she said wrenching her wrists out of his grasp. 

"What do you see happening between us, Hermione? I would love to hear your vision of our future." 

She shook her head, "We don't have a future anymore, now do we? You pretty much ended any chance of that…" 

"For the sake of conversation, say we did." 

She scowled, "I don't know. But I wasn't afraid to find out, which is more than I could say for you," she said as she turned on her heel and walked towards the door. 

He grabbed her and pulled her back to his chest, "I couldn't deal with the uncertainty," he whispered. "I wanted you and nothing else would be enough. I'd never felt that way before. So the thought of you one day leaving me because you saw something in me you hated…I couldn't deal with it." 

She shook her head, "You should have told me all of this before." 

"But I didn't know how. I'm not…I don't understand what I feel most of the time when you're around me. It scares me out of my mind that I have all these emotions floating around inside of me and I can't put any of it into words." 

"You could have tried," she sighed, "You didn't have to…" 

"I did. I had to. But it wasn't until I lost you that I realized that being alone, being without you, wasn't what I wanted." 

She lowered her head and sighed, "So now you know how you feel about me? Is that it?" 

He shook his head, "Not exactly. You confuse me, I confuse me, but I know I don't want to be without you anymore. I've done it for two weeks now and it's killing me to see you and know that I hurt you when it all could have been prevented. It hurts so much to see you sad, or just to look at you and know I can't touch you." 

She frowned, "So you want me to forgive and forget?" 

He sighed, "You can't just forget. We both know that." 

She turned to look at him, "And what happens the next time your insecurities get in the way? Will you do the same thing? Have you learned anything from this?" 

He sighed, "I can't swear to you that I won't do this again. I can't see into the future, but I can tell you that I don't want to hurt you…" 

She shook her head, "I can't…" 

"Hermione, I need you." 

She looked up at him, "You can't do this to me," she whispered. 

"Do what?" 

"You can't just send me away and then change your mind when you're lonely…" 

"That's not what I'm doing." 

"Well that's what it feels like." 

"I…I don't mean for it to." 

She shook her head, "You would get mad at me for pushing you away…but you did the same to me only told me you didn't want to be with me. But now, after a few weeks alone, you've changed your mind. Tell me what it's supposed to feel like." 

He sighed, "I just…I'm sorry I hurt you." 

"I'm sorry you did too. Because I can't do this right now…" 

"Hermione, please don't leave." 

She sighed, "What do you want me to do?" 

"I want you to stay." 

She shook her head, "You just don't want to be alone." 

He stood up straight and took a step away from her, "If that's what you really believe, then you can go." 

"What am I supposed to think, Draco?" 

"You're not supposed to think anything. I told you I wanted to apologize for hurting you and I did that. If there's nothing else I can say…" 

She shook her head, "That's such a round about way of telling me that you can't say what you know I want to hear." 

He looked up at her, "What is it that you want to hear?" 

She turned and opened the door, "I'm sure you'll figure it out." 

She closed it behind her and allowed the tears to finally roll down her face. He was there telling her he wanted her back and she couldn't be happy with that. Instead she put an ultimatum on him. One where she might never get what she wanted. Why did she do that? She wanted to open the door and tell him she was being stupid. She just wanted him to hold her, but she couldn't have that. She needed to hear him say he loved her. 

She took off down the stairs when she heard him approaching and heard his quick footsteps behind hers. He was trying to catch up with her, and she wouldn't have it. He caught her elbow and spun her to him, "Just let me go," she whispered. 

He lifted her chin and saw the tears racing down her face, "I can't." 

"Please. Let me go. Filch is going to catch us…" 

"Let him." 

"Draco…please." 

He leaned down and kissed her softly, his hands holding her face, making it unable for her to pull away. She tried to resist him, but she knew better. Once his lips were on hers, nothin else mattered. She had missed his kiss, the way his fingers would dance in her hair as he kissed all the breath from her body. When he kissed her this way, she felt like everything could be perfect. She felt like maybe things could be the way they were before. 

But they couldn't. She knew that. And when he broke the kiss she fully intended to tell him so. It wasn't until they heard the loud meow of a cat that they pulled away. "Mrs. Norris," he whispered, seemingly as dazed as she was. 

She took his hand in hers and they both ran the opposite way in which the cat had appeared. She quickly gave the password to her room and they both climbed through the portrait hole as Mrs. Norris rounded the corner, a soft lantern light glowing on the wall behind her as Filch was approaching. She closed the door in time as both were trying desperately to catch their breath. He was leaning against the wall, holding himself up as leaned against a chair to keep her balance. 

He looked over at her and sighed, "You alright?" 

She nodded as she took a seat in the chair, "You kissed me." 

He nodded, "I know." 

She shook her head, "Why did you kiss me?" 

He moved to kneel in front of her, "Because I want you. You can't argue with me and tell me I hurt you when I'm kissing you." 

She shook her head, "That's not fair," she whispered. "It's not fair that…I lose my ability to think when you kiss me." 

He sighed, "No one ever said life was fair." 

She touched his face, "No they didn't." 

"I miss you, Hermione." 

She swallowed the lump in her throat, "I miss you too. But you hurt me…" 

He sighed in frustration, "And I said I was sorry." 

"Sorry doesn't make the hurting go away. You told me you didn't want to be with me." 

"That's not what I said." 

"That's what I heard." 

"So what are we supposed to do? Pretend that we mean nothing to each other? Walk around this school and see one another every day and not wish for things to go back to the way they were?" 

She shook her head, "No. We can't go back." 

"Then what, Hermione? You tell me, because I don't know what the fuck is going on here. One minute I'm thinking that you want me back and the next…well the next you're telling me I hurt you too badly." 

"Which seems to be something you don't care too much about." 

"Are you mad? I care more than I should! I hate, absolutely hate, to see you unhappy and the only thing that hurts more than that is to know that I caused that! I could have prevented it but my stupid pride got in the damn way and I hurt you first." 

"The first sign of trouble you gave up, Draco. What am I supposed to do? Hope that next time you won't be so…stupid and repeat your mistake?" 

"And you've never made a mistake?" 

"I never said that?" 

"That's what it sounds like to me. I make a huge mistake and I don't get to fix things. But you're allowed to make all the mistakes you want and I'm not supposed to say anything…" 

"You're not even making sense anymore!" 

"Why can't you just forgive me?" 

"Because I loved you and you didn't care!" 

He looked at the floor as he stood, "You're right. I don't care. I mean, heartless Draco Malfoy doesn't care about things like love. So why are we still having this conversation?" He walked to the portrait hole and left before she could even get a word out. 

She put her head in her hands as tears rolled down her face. 

*~* 


	2. I left too much mess and destruction to ...

I realize that I didn't do a disclaimer last time.so here it goes.  
  
Disclaimer: Characters not mine, plot it. A/N: This is not a song fic, but it is inspired by a song. IWhite Flag/I by Dido is it, but as I said, it doesn't necessarily flow with the song, it's just what I was listening to when I began writing it.  
  
**********  
  
She crawled out of bed at the pounding on the portrait frame. Her head hurt from crying herself to sleep the night before, and the dull ache seemed to spread to her heart. She sniffled a bit, trying to hold back the tears as she opened the door to reveal Harry and Ron.  
  
At first sight of her their faces fell. Harry sighed, "What happened?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Are you back together?"  
  
She shook her head, "No."  
  
"What did he want?" Ron asked following Hermione as she crawled back into bed. She was just thankful that it was Saturday, which meant she could stay in bed all day if she wanted.  
  
"He wanted.he wanted to get back together."  
  
Harry furrowed his brow, "And you didn't?"  
  
She shook her head, "No."  
  
"I don't understand this, Hermione. Here you were, three days ago, wishing you could have him back. He comes to you and says he wants you back and you turned him down?" Harry asked, confused.  
  
"It's not that simple," she said sadly.  
  
"Get off her, mate. Why do you care so much who she's with? Better for her that she didn't take him back."  
  
He shook his head, "I don't care. But we want her to be happy and look at her, she isn't happy."  
  
"I'm still in the room, you know," she added folding her arms over her chest.  
  
Harry sighed, "Hermione, I know you have your reasons and I'm not telling you what to do, but you're miserable. So please explain to me why it is if this decision you've made has hurt you so much that you're sticking with it?"  
  
She shrugged, "I don't know why, Harry. I was just looking at him and all this anger and sadness was on top of me. I wanted him to know what it was like to have his heart broken."  
  
"What did he say?"  
  
She shook her head, "I don't really want to talk about this, alright? Maybe tomorrow, but I just want to stay here for today."  
  
Ron looked from Harry to Hermione, "No."  
  
They both looked over at their redheaded friend confused, "What?"  
  
"You're not going to mope around here." He shook his head, "Harry's told me to keep my mouth closed about this but I'm sick of it. Malfoy doesn't deserve to even be in the same room with you. He's not good enough for you and you don't deserve someone who treats you with such.recklessness."  
  
"Ron."  
  
"Hear me out before you tell me to shut up." He took a deep breath, "We, Harry and I, sat by and watched the two of you while you were together. And you may have been all happy on top of things, but you two fought too much and are far too different. You can say opposites attract all you want, but in your case it wasn't going to work. Malfoy is selfish and conniving."  
  
Hermione shook her head, "Stop, alright?" She frowned, "I know you hate him. You can hate him all you want.but I'm not to the point where I can sit down with you and trade insults about him, alright?"  
  
"No. It's not all right. Look what he's turned you into, Hermione. I understand that he broke your heart, but this isn't you. Be in love with him all you want but the more you show him how hurt you are the bigger his ego gets."  
  
"Ron, shut up," she said softly.  
  
"You're letting him win."  
  
"Shut. Up. Now," she said, her anger barely hidden.  
  
Harry grabbed Ron's arm before he could say another word, "If you value your teeth, I'd be quiet." Harry sat beside Hermione on the bed, "I know you can't help how you feel about him and if you do, at some point, decide to take him back, then you have to remember that things won't be the way they were before."  
  
"Well apparently things weren't that great before, were they?" she said softly, trying her best not to cry.  
  
"Why are you doing this to yourself?"  
  
"Because Harry. Even after telling me he wanted me back he said he didn't see a future for us. Why should I."  
  
"Because you love him. As much as I hate to admit that to myself, you do. He makes you happy and I have to say that he's much more agreeable when he's with you."  
  
"You hate Malfoy."  
  
"Which means you have to know how hard this is for me to say. You love him, he loves you."  
  
"You don't know that."  
  
"I don't know what?"  
  
"That he loves me."  
  
Harry shook his head, "It's obvious, Hermione."  
  
"Oh is it? Then why can't I see it?"  
  
"Because maybe you're just as afraid as he is."  
  
She put her head in her hands, "Can you both just go? I want to be alone."  
  
Ron shook his head and left quickly, obviously irritated about the way she was acting. Harry wrapped an arm around her shoulders and sighed, "I'm sorry you're unhappy, Hermione."  
  
She closed her eyes, "Just go."  
  
Harry left, giving one last look at his friend before he closed the portrait hole behind him. She rolled onto her side and tried to stop the tears as they threatened to slide down her face.  
  
*~*  
  
She had avoided her friends at all costs, even going so far as to go to the kitchen and ask Dobby to just bring her food in her room, but she didn't remember ever taking a bite of it. Most of the trays just sat on her table, untouched. But she had to do this to avoid her friends. She didn't feel like hearing another 'Love will save the day' speech from Harry and she didn't want to hear Ron speaking badly about Draco either. While she may have been mad at him, she still loved him. Her heart didn't just turn off like that. She had succeeded in avoiding them for a week now, sitting away from them in the few classes they had together and leaving before they could catch up with her. As for Draco, she tried to ignore him, but noticed his little looks every now and again. She'd glance up because she'd feel eyes on her and he'd turn away quickly.  
  
She walked down the stairs to get to her potions class when she heard footsteps behind her. She turned to look and it was Draco, staring at the top of her head. He cast his eyes straight ahead of him as he breezed past her. She fought the need to cry as she pushed open the door. Less than a month ago they'd been standing in front of that very door kissing for the world to see, and now.she sighed. Now they weren't even on speaking terms.  
  
Why did it have to hurt so much? Why is it that in the storybooks, the fairy tales, they never wrote about how much it hurt when the person you loved didn't return it? Why wasn't that ever taught to little girls when they were growing up? She realized that as children girls were sold this foolish notion that love was the 'be all, end all' which wasn't true. Even after you found out that the person you loved didn't love you back, life still went on. It hurt like hell, but you took each day with a painful breath because you couldn't have the one person you wanted. Life was twisted that way. But through her years at Hogwarts she'd come to learn that even happy endings come with unhappy results. She just didn't think that her relationship with Draco would be one of those unhappy results.  
  
She'd thought when he first started pursuing her that it had something to do with getting closer to Harry so he could hurt him. But she'd realized in a short time that it had nothing to do with him. It wasn't until he'd given her a genuine smile that she began to loosen up around him. He was her friend before anything else. He appreciated her love for learning while she encouraged him to do things without worrying if he was besting someone. She remember the first time she told him she had faith in him, believed that he could beat Harry at capturing the Snitch if he worried more about catching it than one upping the other boy. He seemed shocked that she had not only given him a compliment but had told him that she believed in him. It was shortly after that when he revealed to her that no one, his parents included, had ever told him they believed in him. It was a big deal to him.  
  
But that was all over with now, and she sighed as she looked at the back of his head, wishing for the pain to go away. She needed a cure for her broken heart. She needed something to get her mind off of how badly she missed him. But their separation was now her fault, wasn't it? He wanted her back and she told him no. He'd come to her, apologizing in earnest for what he'd done. She wasn't even sure if she forgave him for it. She'd struggled all week about whether or not it was the right decision. And if it was, why did it still leave her feeling like something was missing? She missed the way he would turn and look at her, giving her a little wink, before he'd start paying attention to the professor. Why couldn't it go back to that?  
  
She sighed and rubbed her forehead, as she felt a dull pain throbbing against her skull. *~*  
  
'We can't go back to what we were', he thought to himself. He could survive without her. He could live without ever kissing her again, or holding her. He shook his head slightly, knowing that was a complete lie. He only wished that he hadn't been so damn stubborn in the first place. Had he not been so afraid of her tossing him aside in the first place, none of this would have happened.  
  
But it had happened and he was now alone, without Hermione. He wanted so much to be with her, to tell her all that he had left to say. He wanted nothing more than to tell her that every breath he took and thought that she could possibly hate him was utter agony. He wanted her. He wanted her back, but he'd be damned if he went to her again. She's the one that's keeping them apart now. She knows where he stands and if she wanted him back she would have to come to him.  
  
He'd put himself out there on the line and she had kicked him off. He'd hate her for that if he had it in him. Then he saw her, making her way down to potions. He followed behind her, just wanting to get a good look at her before he went back to ignoring her presence. He could see her breath catch slightly when she saw whom it was behind her. He decided to just walk past her, afraid that he might actually stop her and say something else that would lead her to believe that he was an even bigger jerk than she already did. He opened the door for the potions class and took his seat in the front of the room. That way he wouldn't have to look at her the whole time. He didn't feel like putting himself through that today.  
  
Professor Snape made his way into the classroom, said nothing to them as he pointed his wand at the board and the instructions for their potion appeared. This is what he needed. Mindless work that would allow him to tune everything out but the potion he was brewing. All he had to do was concentrate long enough and not allow his emotions to effect the outcome of such a simple little brew.  
  
But that's all he was these days, complicated emotions, emotions that Lucius and his mother had never told him about. The few actual fairy tales he'd ever heard talked of romance, eternal love, all of which could over come anything. As he glanced back at her and watched as she poured a bit of something into her cauldron; he cursed the writers of such drivel. If that was true, why wasn't he with Hermione now?  
  
She wasn't overly pretty. This was true, but it was the warmth within her that had drawn him in. He remembered her laugh and how infectious it was. He hadn't heard it in quite some time. Her eyes, usually lively and happy, seemed so sad, almost like she was constantly on the brink of tears. He looked away from her and slammed his vial of moonstone onto the table, causing several people, including Hermione, to look at him. He frowned as he went back to work.  
  
He had almost every class with her. He rolled his eyes at his misfortune. Earlier in the year he'd been more than happy to be a little late to class because he'd stopped to give her a good snogging. Hermione hated being late, but he didn't think she'd minded so much if that was the reason.  
  
He looked at his potion and realized that it wasn't the right color and it was fizzing when it should have been bubbling. He sighed, just something else he had to worry about. Good thing Snape liked him enough to not make him drink it. He looked back at Hermione and could see inside her cauldron that it was the right color. Amazing to him that she could still keep her head on with all that was happening.  
  
He waved his potion away and gave a nod towards Snape before he collected his things and left the room. He'd wait for her. He needed to talk to her, to ease his mind because he really was going insane. He couldn't concentrate no matter how hard he tried. He leaned against the wall of the dungeon, waiting for her to finish up. But as students began filing out of the room, he knew she would be last. Snape even came out before Hermione, which meant that everyone except her had left already.  
  
He opened the door and found her sitting on the bench, her fingers massaging her temples. He furrowed his brow as he approached her and took a seat beside her. He could see the look of pain on her face and he captured her wrist in his hand, "Are you alright?" he asked concerned.  
  
He released her when she began to pull, "I'm fine."  
  
"You don't look fine."  
  
"Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself."  
  
He rolled his eyes, "I didn't come in here to fight with you?"  
  
"Why not? It's what we're good at," she said as she gathered her things together and put them in her bag. She avoided looking into his eyes, but he didn't leave her side.  
  
She stood and wobbled a bit, causing him to stand and steady her, "What's the matter with you?"  
  
She shook her head and pushed him off, "Nothing, I'm fine. Leave me alone."  
  
She took a few steps and stopped. He watched her carefully as she swayed on her feet before he caught her. "Hermione, you're not fine," he said as he scooped her into his arms and carried her out of the dungeon. Thankfully no one was in the hallway to block his path to the infirmary.  
  
"Put me down, I'm fine," she said in a half-hearted attempt at fighting him.  
  
"I know, you make a habit out of nearly passing out in class. That's normal behavior for you," he deadpanned hoping it would hide how truly afraid for her he was.  
  
He finally reached the infirmary and Madam Pomfrey sighed, "What happened to her now?"  
  
"I don't know. She won't tell me."  
  
"Lay her over there and you get back to class."  
  
"I'm finished for the day."  
  
"Then go back to your common room. I don't need you under foot."  
  
"I'm not leaving."  
  
"I'll deduct twenty points from Slytherin for insubordination."  
  
"Deduct it then, but I'm not leaving."  
  
The older woman sighed and set to finding out what was wrong with Hermione. "So what happened?"  
  
"Nothing, I told Malfoy I'm fine."  
  
He frowned. She called him Malfoy. She hadn't called him that in a long time. He sighed as he sat on the bed opposite from her and watched as Madam Pomfrey looked her over. From what he could tell she didn't look like she was sick. Sure her eyes looked a bit glassy, but that was probably from her being sick, and it wasn't until Madam Pomfrey began talking that he looked away from her, "Ms. Granger, when was the last time you had something to eat?"  
  
At her silence Draco furrowed his brow and added softly and slowly, "I haven't seen her in the Great Hall in almost a week."  
  
The older witch's face grew stern, "Well, how about it Ms. Granger? When was the last time you actually ate something?"  
  
She seemed to be ignoring them both and Draco shook his head, "Answer the woman."  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Why haven't you eaten?"  
  
"I haven't been hungry."  
  
"Well, you'll stay in here until you do. You understand?"  
  
"This is ridiculous."  
  
Madam Pomfrey sighed, "You will not leave here until you've had a decent meal in your stomach. You will also go to the Great Hall for every meal." She looked up at Draco, "As Head Boy I will expect you to make sure she arrives there."  
  
He nodded as he folded his arms across his chest. She hadn't been eating. That woman drove him mad. She claims to be fine when she's really starving herself, and for what? Because of him, a person who didn't deserve her to care about him.  
  
Madam Pomfrey stood, "I'll be right back. I'm going to send for something from the kitchen."  
  
Draco moved to sit on the bed beside her, "You've stopped eating?"  
  
"No, I just haven't felt like it," she said angrily.  
  
"Same thing! You're smarter than that! What the hell are you thinking?" At her silence he continued, "Look, I'm sorry you're unhappy and I'm even more sorry that I'm the cause of that, but damn it, Hermione, this isn't the way to deal with it."  
  
"I didn't do this on purpose!"  
  
"No! Neither of us ever seems to do anything on purpose! It's just the consequences of our actions that hurt the most. And you're.starving yourself."  
  
"I didn't do it on purpose. I just hadn't felt like eating, alright? I had food sent to my room but I didn't feel like eating it, okay?"  
  
"No, not okay. You're sick now."  
  
"Just leave me alone."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I said no, and there is no power great enough to make me leave."  
  
She groaned, "I hate you."  
  
"Yeah, well, what else is new? We spent the first six years of our lives here hating one another, why should things be different now?"  
  
She folded her arms over her chest, "You're such a jerk."  
  
"I'm a jerk because I care about what happens to you?"  
  
"No, you a jerk for other reasons, you're an ass because you won't leave me alone."  
  
"Well someone has to look out for you."  
  
"And you gave that right up weeks ago."  
  
He sighed in frustration, "I can't win with you. I said I was sorry."  
  
"Sorry isn't good enough!"  
  
"What is, with you?! I don't know what else you want me to say! Damn, Hermione, this is.this is crazy. We're both miserable, which was my making at the beginning, but it's not now. You're the one that's keeping us apart so don't place the blame on me anymore. I'm tired of feeling guilty about this. I want you back, but my apology isn't good enough for you. It's not me that doesn't care about your feelings because I think I care a hell of a lot more than most ex-boyfriends would, but it's you who doesn't seem to care about anything but her foolish pride."  
  
"I want you to leave."  
  
"And I want you to get it through your thick head that you will not drive me away. I thought I could go on the way I had before, but I can't. I can't go back to what I was before we were together and neither can you. But I don't want to either. You mean more to me than you'll ever know and it frustrates me to no end that you don't realize that. I'm not giving up. I thought I could just let you have your way about this, but I think I'm more stubborn than you are. So I'll wear you down."  
  
She rolled her eyes, "Just stop, alright? Look, I didn't do this to myself because of you."  
  
"Listen to me, stop trying to say things to make me leave or to make me quit worrying about you. It's not going to happen. I'm not giving up on us."  
  
"What us? You threw it away."  
  
"I didn't throw anything away. I did what I thought was best for you, only because I care about you. I know that sounds like twisted logic to you, but I don't think your judgement can be trusted all that much right now given that you've taken to not eating in order to solve your problems."  
  
"What do you know about it? You parade around here like you haven't a care in the world. You're able to act normal and be like you were before this happened. I can't do that."  
  
"It's not as easy as it seems. Do you really think that it doesn't hurt me? Do you really believe that I am so able to write off my feelings for you?" He sighed, "If you honestly believe that then we have much bigger problems than not being together."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Like the only person that ever believed in me thinks I am a heartless bastard."  
  
She sighed, "I.I don't think you're heartless."  
  
"But?"  
  
"But I don't trust you either. And we have nothing if we don't trust each other."  
  
He nodded, "Alright. You tell me what I can to do make you trust me again, and I'll do it."  
  
"Mr. Malfoy, you should leave now and let Ms. Granger eat. Look for her in the Great Hall tonight," Madam Pomfrey said as she walked in with a tray of food."  
  
He glared at the older woman, "I told you I wasn't leaving."  
  
"And I'm telling you right now to get out. Do not make me call your head of house and have him remove you."  
  
His jaw was set in a straight line and he looked down at Hermione, "Name it?"  
  
She sighed, "I don't know. You should figure it out."  
  
He looked from the older woman to Hermione and sighed, "I'll see you tonight. I'll come by and get you."  
  
"That won't be necessary."  
  
"Yes it will," Draco and Madam Pomfrey answered. He offered the older woman a glare before he turned and left the infirmary.  
  
Madam Pomfrey sat in a chair beside Hermione's bed as she placed the tray of food in front of her, "I must say, Ms. Granger, I do believe you end up in this place more than anyone else in the school."  
  
She sighed, "I would have to agree, unfortunately."  
  
"And I would also like to say that I prefer Potter and Weasley to Mr. Malfoy."  
  
She took a piece of bread off the tray, "He's not so bad."  
  
"Clearly you're more sick than I thought."  
  
She gave a sad smile, "You could say that."  
  
*~*  
  
It was ten till five when he knocked on the picture frame and she sighed. She walked over to it and pushed it open to find him leaning against the wall. "How are you feeling?"  
  
She nodded, "I'm fine. You don't really have to walk with me to the Great Hall."  
  
"Well, get over it, I'm doing it anyway," he said snappily.  
  
"You don't have to be so rude," she said closing it behind her.  
  
He glanced over at her, "Same could be said to you."  
  
She sighed, "I'm sorry that I'm not dealing with this in a way that doesn't inconvenience you," she said angrily.  
  
"You're not an inconvenience."  
  
"Well that's the way you're making me feel about it."  
  
He shook his head, "Maybe you should stop looking for deeper meanings to everything."  
  
"So your hostility isn't towards me?"  
  
"Oh it is."  
  
She stopped walking, "You're such an ass."  
  
"I'm an ass?"  
  
"Yes, you're an ass. You don't even care that I have my reasons."  
  
"I care. But I had my own reasons for what I did and now you have yours. Only I'm supposed to feel like shit because of mine. I did it because you deserve better.and you.your reasons seem to be to spite me."  
  
"I told you I don't trust you."  
  
He nodded, "Yeah, you told me. You don't trust me and I'm pissed off about it. Not to mention that you can't seem to think of anything I can do to make it up to you."  
  
"I just need time."  
  
He shook his head, "Time for what? To see if you can ever trust me again?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
He frowned, "Let's just go." He turned and began walking away.  
  
"Why do you always run away from your problems?"  
  
"Because my problem at the moment isn't that I'm completely angry at you but also at myself! Because I know you aren't in my life anymore...but when we fight like this I want you more than I can even think about. And it was my fault that we're not together, but it's yours now. I came to you and told you how I felt! That wasn't good enough for you even though I'd never said anything like that to anyone in the past."  
  
She shook her head, "So I'm supposed to take you back because you say you miss me?"  
  
"My feelings go deeper than that, we both know it."  
  
"No.Iwe/I don't."  
  
"Is that what this is about? You don't know how I feel about you?" She was silent and he sighed, "Why is it that you're the only one who can't see it? Explain that to me. Why are you the only one who can't see that I'm crazy about you."  
  
"You're crazy about me. That doesn't tell me much, now does it?"  
  
He took a step back, "You want me to say it, don't you?"  
  
She folded her arms over her chest, "I thought that I wouldn't need to ever hear you say it. I didn't think that hearing you say that to me would mean much of anything.but I need to. I need you to tell me you love me and mean it."  
  
"That sounds a lot like an ultimatum."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"I either tell you how I feel, or we don't get back together."  
  
She frowned, "That's not what I meant."  
  
"Isn't it? You need to hear me say it and I'll probably gain a lot of trust from you because you know that I've never said that to anyone, much less felt it. So if I said it, I would mean it."  
  
She sighed, "You either feel it or you don't."  
  
"Whether or not I.I feel that way doesn't mean that I can just come out and say it."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because I can't!"  
  
"Well do you? Do you love me?"  
  
He sighed and looked at the floor, "What would make you believe me, Hermione? You don't trust me."  
  
"I would believe you for the reasons you've already said. If you don't love me you need to tell me now so I can start to move on. I can't spend the rest of this year wondering if you feel the same for me that I do for you."  
  
He looked up at her, "Do you love me?" he asked softly.  
  
"Yes," she whispered.  
  
He looked at her, he was about to say something when the Gryffindors joined them. Harry stopped beside Hermione, "What are you doing standing in the hall?"  
  
She looked over and Malfoy was gone, she sighed, "Hoping to get some answers."  
  
He looked around, "Where did he go?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
He sighed, "Come on. Let's get to the Great Hall."  
  
She nodded and followed Harry to the Great Hall. She noticed that Draco's seat was empty and sighed. What had he been about to say? Was he going to tell her that he did feel it, or was he going to tell her that he didn't feel the same as she did? There were too many unanswered questions between them.  
  
*~*  
  
To be continued.  
  
Thanks to the reviewers! I appreciate all the feedback! 


	3. I'm In Love And Always Will Be

He sat in front of the fire, just staring at the dancing flames. She wanted him to tell her he loved her and she wanted him to mean it. If he said it he would mean it. But the problem was if he could or not. He'd never said it before and wondered at what he was so afraid of.  
  
He didn't know if it was the thought of handing his heart over to someone or just the thought of the unknown, the unexpected rush of emotions he felt when he was with her. He did love her. He knew that. Whether or not he could put a voice to that feeling or not was what escaped him. He wanted to tell her, and maybe he needed to do it quickly and get it over with. But what would happen one day when she woke up and realized that he wasn't what she wanted or needed in her life? What if she stopped loving him one day?  
  
He knew the chance of that was great, given that when he really thought about it, they were still children. But if he told her how he felt and they grew apart over time, wasn't that better than just ending it where it was now? He would at least get to say that he loved someone as much as he possibly could while he was able to. And for all he knew, Hermione Granger could be the great love of his life. He shook his head, wondering if he really believed in that sort of thing to begin with.  
  
But he did love her. She at least deserved to hear it from his lips just once. Even if he never said it to her again, she should hear it just once from him. She was the only person to ever really give him a chance. Not out of fear or respect for his father, but out of respect for him. He hadn't been proud of the person he was before he'd been with her. She made him feel like he was worth something, like he could be great at whatever he did. She looked at him and saw who he really was, not who he had been. And she loved him. That was enough for him. She loved him when she didn't have to. She loved him when she probably knew that it wasn't the smartest thing to do. She loved him when he thought no one else ever would. She loved him even though there wasn't much hoping of it lasting for very long.  
  
He wasn't sure if he really deserved her or not. He'd been debating with himself over this. He could provide her the kind of life she deserved. She deserved only the best and he gave nothing but the best. She needed to be pampered and held and loved for the rest of her life and he felt he was the only person who could ever do that properly. But it really had no future. Even in the wizarding world, relationships that start young rarely survived due to people finally growing up and realizing they aren't happy. That was what he really feared.  
  
He didn't want to become one of those people. He was happy with her now but could he be happy with her twenty years from now. Would her constant need to be right finally drive him mad? Would his need to best everyone drive her from his arms? There were so many questions and no answers laid before him. He needed solid facts to go on; he needed all the answers now to be sure that what he had with her wouldn't leave him questioning everything for the rest of his life. He didn't want unfinished business when he died. He just wanted to be happy, to have her and be happy. But there were so many complications before him that he wasn't sure he should even try.  
  
She was worth the effort in his mind, but he would always wonder if she really loved him or if she was staying with him only because she saw no way out. He leaned his head back against the sofa and sighed. He wasn't sure what he was going to do. With such a bleak outlook for their future he didn't know if he should put them both through that. But Hermione was the type of woman that should know she's loved.  
  
"When did this all get so complicated?" he said to himself.  
  
*~*  
  
He walked with an air of determination through the school. He nearly knocked a few first years down as he passed through the halls. He would check her room, and if she wasn't there, the library. He knocked on the portrait hole and waited. Nothing. He turned and went in the direction he came from, his footsteps all taken with one purpose in mind: find Hermione.  
  
He opened the door to the library and paid no mind to the various looks of confusion and contempt that passed people's faces when he entered. He held his head high and moved through the shelves to the back table he knew she would be sitting at. But when he got there he stopped in his tracks to see Hermione and Ron hovered a little too closely for his comfort. The red- headed boy had his arm propped over the back of her chair as she read something from a book.  
  
He always knew that Weasley wanted her. And if body language said anything, he was probably thinking about taking her on that very table, and he just couldn't have that.  
  
"What are we reading?" he said as he sat down opposite them.  
  
She sat up straight as he sat across from them. She noticed that his eyes never left Ron, who seemed to be staring him down as well. 'Men' she thought to herself. "Astronomy," she said softly.  
  
He smirked, and not the friendly smirks that she'd become accustomed to. It was the nasty, malicious smirk she'd seen in the past. She sighed as Ron spoke, "Bugger off, Malfoy. No one wants you here."  
  
His eyes flickered over to Hermione and they locked eyes for a moment, "Someone wants me here," he said, a little too smug for her tastes. "Besides, Weasel, I didn't come to see you anyhow. So scamper along and find Potty. Sure you two have someone who needs saving."  
  
"I'll stay right here, if it's all the same to you."  
  
"Go on, leave. I have to talk to Hermione and I certainly won't say what needs to be said in front of the likes of you."  
  
She closed the book hard, "Enough. Whatever you have to say to me, you can say in front of Ron."  
  
The self-satisfied look on Ron's face was enough to make Draco want to wretch. He stood, "No, I can't. So, Granger," he growled angrily, "if you can somehow separate yourself from this drivel, come find me. But you never know, I might not feel the same way then as I do now."  
  
And with that he turned and left before she could even say a word. "Good riddance," Ron muttered. He looked over at Hermione's stricken face, "Are you really that unhappy about him leaving?"  
  
She took a shaky breath, "He called me Granger."  
  
"He's always called you Granger."  
  
She shook her head, "No...he...he stopped once we were dating. He...we made an agreement that we wouldn't call one another that because it was...because if we really cared about one another we would call one another by our real names."  
  
Ron sighed as he watched Hermione try and hold herself together, "Hermione, you can't..."  
  
She sighed, "Please, just...not now, alright, Ron?" she said as she gathered her things and left the library.  
  
*~*  
  
He was staring out at the lake, watching as the squid had obviously caught something and was in the process of eating whatever it was. He was angry. Both at him and at her, not to mention his hatred for Weasley was fueled even more than usual. He'd gone there to tell her how he felt and was stopped by one of her bloody friends.  
  
He folded his arms over his chest, wishing he had something to punch and make it feel as horribly as he did. He called her Granger. He promised her he'd never call her that again. But she had called him Malfoy a few short days ago. But that was to a teacher and most of them still didn't understand their relationship. He called her Granger to her face, in anger. He hated that he sometimes couldn't control his temper.  
  
He turned and made his way back to the school. He opened the door and stopped when he found Hermione sitting on the steps, her head in her hands as she cried softly. He ran a hand through his pale hair and sighed, alerting her to his presence. She looked up with watery eyes scowled at him, "How long have you been standing there?"  
  
"I just came in."  
  
She gathered her things then wiped her face. He took the stairs two at a time to get close to her quickly. He grabbed her hands and stilled them as she was trying to wipe away traces of her sobbing. He removed a handkerchief, and sat down beside her. He slowly wiped the tears from her face and sighed, "I'm sorry."  
  
She frowned, "You called me Granger."  
  
He sighed, "I know. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that."  
  
"No, I didn't."  
  
He looked at his hands, "I had come there to talk to you, and I found you all huddled up with that...with Weasley, and I just...I was angry."  
  
"So you lashed out at me?"  
  
"I meant to just lash out at him, but then you defended him and I...I never said I was mature."  
  
She sighed, "What did you want?"  
  
He chewed on the inside of his mouth as he looked at her, "You."  
  
She closed her eyes and lowered her head, "Draco..."  
  
"Wait...wait, let me finish." He took a deep breath, "I've done a lot of thinking. I've never...been in love before." Her eyes widened slightly at him as he said the word love, "So you have to understand that these things I'm feeling for you are more confusing than anything I've ever experienced." He frowned, "I know I'm stupid and all, but I really am sorry for what I did. I know you don't really trust me and I can't really say that I blame you."  
  
"And?"  
  
He took a deep breath, "If I tell you...if I was to say it, there might be a chance that I won't even be able to say it again. But you deserve to know how I do feel about you."  
  
She waited for him to say something, "Yes?"  
  
He looked at her, "You have to promise me something."  
  
She sighed, "Alright."  
  
"If...if at any point, you feel yourself...falling out of love with me, would you please tell me. I can't sit around and wait for you to tell me that you don't feel that way about me, I can't just wake up one day and find you gone. I want a bit of a warning."  
  
She nodded, "I can do that."  
  
"One more thing."  
  
She raised an eyebrow, "You're asking me to make a lot of promises for something you haven't even said to me yet."  
  
He sighed, "I'm trying with all my might to protect myself from getting my heart crushed here. So, listen to me before you start making fun."  
  
She nodded, "Alright."  
  
"You...have to agree that you will at least consider taking our relationship to the next level."  
  
"Meaning?"  
  
"I'm not saying you have to jump into bed with me. I'm just saying...don't push me away all the time."  
  
She bit her lip, "Draco, I think we're jumping ahead here..."  
  
He nodded, "Yeah," he said, rubbing his hand over her knee, "I know. But you have to understand that I want you so badly, sometimes, that it makes moving hurt."  
  
She frowned, "So you want what from me, exactly?"  
  
"I want...I want you to at least think about it. There are other things we can do besides..."  
  
She nodded, "I know. I just...I get scared..."  
  
"Of me?"  
  
She shook her head, "No. I know you wouldn't hurt me. It's just...sex seems so final to me. Almost like I don't know what to expect after sex, you know?"  
  
He sighed, "Hermione, I'm not meaning this to pressure you...and I don't want to just jump into bed with you. I don't mind taking a few...baby steps here and there. But we have to move forward a bit or we're going to end up here again."  
  
She covered his hand with hers, "Alright. I'll think about it."  
  
He gave her a nervous smile, "Alright."  
  
They sat in silence for a minute, "Draco?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Isn't there something you wanted to tell me?"  
  
"Oh," he nodded, "yeah, uh...Hermione..."  
  
"There you are! I've been looking all over for you since you left the..." Ron stopped talking when he saw Malfoy sitting beside her. Harry looked at the pair and smirked. "What's going on?" Ron asked.  
  
Draco clenched his jaw and gave Potter a look, clearly telling the boy to get the hell out of there now. "Come on, Ron. Ginny was looking for you earlier."  
  
Ron looked over at Harry, "No she wasn't...ow!" he said when Harry elbowed him. "What did you go and do a thing like that for?"  
  
"Come on," he said turning and going back in the direction they came.  
  
Ron followed behind Harry, "I don't understand, I thought we were coming to find Hermione, we found her with Malfoy, and now we're leaving her along with the snake?"  
  
Harry stopped walking, as he rounded the corner and Ron nearly bumped into him, "Did it ever occur to you that maybe she's happy to be alone with that snake?"  
  
"Well...no. But who in their right mind would? Besides, she was mad at him."  
  
"Looked to me like she'd forgiven him, wouldn't you say?"  
  
He shook his head, "You know, it's almost scary how you're almost bouncing about this whole thing. You should be just as grossed out as I am and here you are, almost smiling about it."  
  
Harry sighed, "I'm just glad that she's going to be happy again."  
  
"I still say he's not good for her."  
  
"I agree with you, but I don't think it's our place to say so. Besides, maybe she'll have him so distracted that he'll be off his game in Quidditch and we can just breeze by them."  
  
Ron shook his head, "But unleashing Malfoy onto Hermione is hardly fair to her, just for us to win Quidditch."  
  
Harry smiled and began walking again, "I don't think she'll complain very much."  
  
Hermione looked back at Draco as her friends left, "You were about to say something to me."  
  
He furrowed his brow, "I was?"  
  
She sighed, "Draco..."  
  
He smirked, "Alright." But before he said anything else he stood and looked in every direction.  
  
"What on Earth are you doing?"  
  
"Making sure no one's coming. We seem to get interrupted more than I would like."  
  
She smiled, "Well, I don't think anyone is coming."  
  
He took her hand in his and sat back beside her, "Alright. Here goes..." he took a deep breath, "Hermione...I...I love you."  
  
She was silent at first, then grinned, "Now was that so hard?"  
  
"Honestly? Yes."  
  
She sighed, "You know that I love you too, right?"  
  
He nodded, "Yeah. Still a hard concept for me to grasp."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"That someone loves me. I mean..." he sighed, "my father...I always feared and respected him and he...he didn't really love me. And my mother...well, she doted on me, but always more for what others would think. Never really because she cared. It's just hard to believe that there is finally someone who...loves me, even with all my faults."  
  
She cupped his face in her hands, "Don't you think, that even with all the things you've done, that you deserve love?"  
  
He looked down, "No. I don't."  
  
She sighed, "Well, I guess it's a good thing for you that I don't believe silly things like that. Everyone deserves love. Even little snakes in the grass such as yourself."  
  
He smirked, "I'm glad you think so." He shook his head and grinned as he stood, "Come on."  
  
She looked up at him curiously, "Where are we going?" she asked as she put her hand in his and allowed him to lead her down the stairs.  
  
"We're going to my room for a nice snogging session."  
  
She chuckled, "I should have known."  
  
"Of course you should have." He said the password and pulled her in behind him, "We have to make up for lost time."  
  
She smiled as she moved into his arms, "Well, we can't stay here too long. We're both on duty tonight."  
  
He smirked as he sat on his sofa and pulled her down to him, "I have very different plans for us than you obviously do."  
  
She smirked as she leaned in and placed a kiss on his lips, "Obviously."  
  
He cupped her face and pulled her back to his lips. He was immediately lost in how much he truly missed her. Her touch, her taste, the feel of her; all things he thought he could possibly live without. In that instant he knew he couldn't have been more wrong.  
  
*~*  
  
Five Years Later  
  
He passed through Diagon Alley on his way back to the Leaky Cauldron. He'd had a short meeting that morning, which caused him to leave home earlier than he had planned. He smirked at the various women passing by him, all throwing him a second glance.  
  
If there was one thing he knew it was that he was attractive, more than most people would care to admit. Namely one Harry Potter, his newest business associate. Due to his parents' rather large fortune they had left him, he'd had money to invest and no real direction for where to steer it. That's where he came in. He gave Harry a place to direct his rather large sum of money in a lucrative broom business. So far, their prototype was faster and had better breaking ability than any other on the market. They just had to get them produced and out to the people.  
  
That was his meeting this morning. He was meeting with a Quidditch supplier to discuss shipment and distribution. He wanted their product out there as quickly as possible and the time to delay was not allowed. Harry, however, wanted to make sure the broom flew perfectly before they released them out to everyone else. He'd gone round and round with him about it and they'd finally come to an agreement that Harry would test out the model that afternoon and tell him yes or no on shipment tomorrow. If the answer was no, Draco would hex his nose right off his face to never be returned again.  
  
But he stopped in front of Madam Malkins robe shop when he saw a rather fluffy head of brown hair. He smiled as he watched her sorting through various potions on a stand outside the shop. Some poor vendor needed a bit of money. She was obviously arguing with the man over the price. He walked up behind her slowly as he heard her say, "You're out of your mind! I'm not paying that much for this..."  
  
"I promise you, it's the best you can buy."  
  
"Well if that's the case, I'll brew my own."  
  
The vendor smiled, "If you think you can, then go ahead."  
  
"Oh she can," he said, interrupting the two. She turned to see Draco and smiled as she adjusted the toddler on her hip. "I'm so glad to see you. Hold him," she said handing Colin over to his father.  
  
"Do you see how willing your mother is to just pass you off?" he cooed at the baby who offered him a drool covered hand.  
  
"I'm terribly sorry. I didn't realize you were married to Mr. Malfoy," the vendor interjected.  
  
She narrowed her eyes as she put both hands on her hips, "And why should that matter?"  
  
Draco wrapped an arm around her waist, "Come along, love. That man doesn't need you yelling at him in a street full of potential customers. Besides, as you said, you can brew it yourself."  
  
She sighed as she walked along with her husband of a year and a half, "Why is it that they all argue with me until they find out I'm married to you?"  
  
"Because they don't know any better. Would you like me to put them all on alert and let them know that I'm your husband..."  
  
"Oh don't even start."  
  
He smiled, "So, aside from harassing vendors about their over-priced products, what are you doing here?"  
  
"I needed to get out of the house."  
  
"You couldn't owl me and let me know first?"  
  
"Should I let you know my every movement?"  
  
He was quiet for a moment, "Yes."  
  
"Draco..."  
  
He smiled, "I meant 'yes' because now we can have lunch together."  
  
She smirked, "If Colin doesn't go to sleep first that's not an option."  
  
"Why does he have to go to sleep?"  
  
"Because he needs his nap. If he doesn't have his nap, he gets cranky and then we can't do that certain thing you had in mind for us to do later if he's cranky."  
  
"And we both know how much I love to do that thing..."  
  
"Exactly. So he needs to get his nap, which he'll never get with you..."  
  
"Why with me?"  
  
"Draco, you get him all riled up," she said taking her son from his father.  
  
"I do not."  
  
"Yes you do."  
  
He looked over at the brunette boy with his steal gray eyes and smiled, "So maybe I do get him riled up a bit. But there's no harm in it."  
  
"Would you like for me to go over the list for you again?"  
  
He shook his head, "No need." They approached the wall to the Leaky Cauldron, "So, lunch, yes or no?"  
  
She sighed as she looked down to the boy who now had his head resting on her shoulder, then over at her husband, "Fine. But if he's grouchy later, you're in serious trouble."  
  
He smiled, "Yeah, yeah...idle threats don't scare me."  
  
She shook her head as she walked into the Leaky Cauldron beside her husband. She looked over at the calendar on the wall and did a double take. She elbowed him in the stomach, to which he rubbed the area she'd hit and looked at her curiously, "What? I didn't even do anything."  
  
"I know. But do you know what today is?"  
  
He looked around the pub and shook his head, "No. It's not your birthday or Valentine's Day."  
  
"Five years ago, this very day, you told me you loved me for the first time."  
  
He furrowed his brow, "Did I?"  
  
"You did."  
  
"Hmm."  
  
"Hmm? What does that mean?"  
  
He shook his head, "Just strange is all."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"Well at that point you weren't really in my life anymore. I mean, I wanted you in it, but you weren't really there. You wanted me to tell you that I loved you and I couldn't do it."  
  
"But you did."  
  
"I was holding my breath the whole time."  
  
"You can't speak when you hold your breath."  
  
"Sure you can. It's not easy, but it can be done."  
  
She turned looked down at her son who was now sleeping. She took a seat at one of the tables and smiled at Draco, "Regret it?"  
  
"Never."  
  
"Even after all I put you through. The waiting and more waiting. Then the other break up..."  
  
He shook his head, "Nope. It took losing you to realize that I never wanted to be without you."  
  
"Aww, that's almost so sweet I got a cavity."  
  
"A what?"  
  
She smiled and shook her head, "Just you nevermind."  
  
He sighed, "You know what it was that got my ass in gear, don't you?"  
  
She shook her head, "No. What was it?"  
  
He looked over at her as his son stirred in her arms, "I'm in love, and always will be," he said before he dropped a kiss on her forehead.  
  
*~*  
  
A/N: I know it's a sappy ending. But I actually had two endings. A Happy one and a not so happy one. After much consideration I decided to go with the happy ending. Mainly because it was lemony sweet!  
  
A/N2: I would just like to say THANK YOU to all of those out there who have taken time out to give me feedback. It is very much appreciated! It's all fic writers have to go on, and fan response means a lot. Good or bad. 


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